100 + Funny things about RhyDin (And other role-playing places):

1. There are two seasons: Day and Night. It is night 347 days out of the year (This I have calculated).

2. Taverns are composed of only shadowed corners. No walls...just many a'shadowed corner.

3. Even the most ferocious and deadly female warriors seem to have D cups, on an average..yet they never interfere with their fighting prowess. Simply amazing.

4. Men: An entire nation of enigmatic and rock-built males.

5. Women: Loose fitting garments? What means this...?

6. Men: Hair is either black or silver. In-betweens are simply not "in" this season.

7. Vampires: All right...going a little crazy with the Vampires. If there were ever a Tavern without at least one, we would all start to worry.

8. Cloaks, shrouds, trenchcoats, capes and anything that is black and/or leather will help you blend in.

9. Gold: A very soft metal, yes? No! Seems to be many a golden sword and armor around here that makes people invincible. Do not be fooled.

10. You do not need a marriage or divorce license here. Marriages generally do not last more than a few weeks, and usually the separation (if one spouse is not killed) is just a mere parting of ways, or the parties not speaking to one another, or the other gets caught "cheating."

11. The locals either love pain or cry incessantly. Mention it first before you go stomping on toes.

12. We are all very serious people, to be taken seriously.

13. You need no food to sustain you. . .only liquor, blood/and or sex.

14. ::Sneezes:: ((Uh, hey should I roll for that?)) Be very careful what you do, some of your actions may not be "accepted" and You may find your reality does not exist for the other person sitting at the bar. Do not ponder it, it will never make sense.

15. Levitation: possible when necessary. Just close your eyes.

16. We all know where the bar is, the fireplace, the chairs, and all the shadowed corners...but where are the restrooms? Just go outside, there are usually No restrooms.

17. Raistlin Clone: What is wrong, Oh great Lord of Demons, Zorg?
DemonZorg: I do not know...this man, appears strange. He is not moving or breathing. All I did was drive my very dark and evil sword through his head. And he is not moving.
RaistlinClone22: ::Puzzled look:: You think perhaps this is that Death concept? That legend of mortality written in the ancient books...?

Dying is a strange concept, and most will not hesitate to throw around your life.

18. Just because it is small, some seem to think this automatically makes it "cute." Fluttery sparkly fuzzy burbling things or children of 4-13 years who have speech impediments, as well as a baby animal of any sort is also deemed "cute." Smile and nod and accept it; arguing is rather like running full tilt into a brick wall.

19. Humans are endangered. If you a) live forever b) have the ability to die and come back to life, you are not human.

20. Whatever you need, it can be pulled out of thin air.

21. Money? Certainly. Just go out to the Coinage tree and pick some. ::Shrug.:: Though you will find almost everything is free.

22. Doors are a mere formality. Shadows, pools of blood, mist, fire, light, dust and sparkles are more fun for transpiration.

23. You are an orphan. Your parents were either slain, committed suicide, or, better yet, you did them in yourself after all that trauma.

24. All mind readers I tell you...you have plans for world domination? Well...that oh-so-innocent looking baby dragon drooling at your feet knows them too. Mind readers!

25. Eye contact gives one the access to read your mind, see your past and pain and hurt. . .

26. Many young women give birth in the middle of a Tavern or some other public place. . .the hospitals are always "mysteriously closed" when labor begins, or there simply isn't the time. Because you see, labor only lasts about five minutes around here.

27. Whenever you want to meet that doe-eyed, golden-haired, sexy vixen virgin princess of your dreams...or that Knight in shining armor with the perfect teeth or that really sweet guy with all the guns and the leather trenchcoat. Just threaten suicide! Though the marriage will not last more than three days.

28. Only one sip of any liquor will get you drunk.

29. We are ALL young.

30. Unless you are an assassin, mage or healer, employment does not exist in RhyDin.

31. Do not ask for service at a bar. Tenders are on the endangered species list as well.

32. All those in the sparring rings MUST be/speak Japanese, or know 3l337 h4><><0|2.

33. Learn about the "Mun Bubbles;" they are rather like fixtures in most Taverns.Do not fight them. They are too plentiful. Rather, just try to be one with the bubble. View it as a piece of furniture and you'll survive.

34. Keep your hair long, spiked, or in a ponytail. You will find it will never get tangled, greasy, or matted in most cases, but there are few barbers and hair stylists around.

35. There is no facial hair unless it is a goatee.

36. No matter where you are, you can always find a fireplace.

37. Be careful when ordering wine. It is made with a wide variety of things; including many bodily fluids, but never grapes.

38. Every building has rafters. Bad on heating, but nice for all those of us who can jump twenty feet with no problem.

39. Vampires have always "just gone a day without feeding."

40. There is no such thing as a tavern with only happy people.

41. Tenders may never stay for more than two minutes.

42. Each tavern has at least two people who claim to own it, minus the Medieval and the Vampire Taverns, which are also always open and PACKED.

43. There is no concept of "morning."

44. No one ever drinks beer. . .only the best liquor there is to offer, or Ale, "wyne" or hard liquor.

45. Taverns always have the drink you want, even if the tender or tenderess has NO clue what that drink is.

46. Demons cause typos, punts, and other terrible events.

47. All young children have speech impediments (i.e.: "huggles" & "wuns") as was mentioned. Shock therapy and firm beatings have been applied, and failed to correct the problem. They grow out of it in a week or two when they are full grown and looking to get married and start a family of their own.

48. Most if not all females are bisexual or lesbian.

49. All morphing abilities are under control. . .no accidental morphings.

50. Platonic relationships are discouraged. You are there for a one night of sex, marriage, or a broken heart. No male-female male-male female-female pure friendships here. They all want something from you!

51. No one looks older than 25, and actually no one is younger than 200, so be very careful when someone asks how old you are. Just be mysterious and you'll be fine.

52. Everyone has trauma-betting. Betting who's traumatic childhood was worse than the others. You want to be unique? Say you have had a very happy fulfilled life and great family relations.

53. Gliding, sliding, slithering, crawling, falling, stumbling or simply materializing are acceptable ways of entering a room.

54. If you are a female, your hair is probably black or red. I suggest dirty blonde, just for originality.

55. Everyone carries a 9 mm hand gun.

56. Everyone sticks to the shadows.

57. Do not be alarmed if you see eyes "Glittering like emeralds, rubies, sapphires, etc.," or just plain glowing, gleaming, or shining.

58. Female warriors are required to have been raped repeatedly by the age of sixteen.

59. Women: it is unacceptable if your hair does not "curl" or "cascade."

60. There are no tables in the front of the taverns. People only sit in the back where it's dark, yet, there always manages to be an empty table.

61. Men are not usually under 6'10, while women on an average are petite, from 4'10-5'3.

62. Tavern bars: always fully stocked.

63. The word Inn translates into Bar or Tavern. No one really sleeps in an Inn.

64. Anyone who speaks perfect English in considered illiterate.

65. Before committing suicide, one must make sure at LEAST two people are watching.

66. I suggest dying quietly without notes or witnesses, far away from civilization, assuming you have the balls to do it, of course.

67. No one really "commits suicide" at places like Suicide Cliff, though you may find it enjoyable simply to watch people threaten to do it, or do as I...and shove people off.

68. You don't need money, but stealing money is a must if you are a lowly street urchin. Also: stealing is an acceptable form of flirting, as is enslaving, kidnapping, biting and knocking the crap out of each other.

69. 1...2...3... healed!

70. Assassins have their work cut out for them. Seems Everyone can spot an assassin a mile away. They need new cover.
Cain Medri: ::Slips in:: (( JackOff, you have been targeted for a BogUS AA... etc..))
JackOff: Wut?? u cant asasinate me cain, im a immortl GOD!
Cain Medri: ::Blinks:: ..going to be one of those nights...

71. Which ties into #70...How do you know my name?

72. You don't have to be a Vampire to drink Bloodwyne. I'm not sure its sanitary, but hell, when in Rome right?

73. They are not Vampires, they are sexy, angsty teens with pointy teeth who enjoy drinking blood, okay? Now leave them alone so that they can wallow in the filth of their own self-pity!

74. Man: Who is your God?
Cleric: I dunno ... but there's a Temple of Sith somewhere

75. Drawing a detailed portrait and writing a poetry novel can always be done in 2 seconds flat.

76. Common conversation in a guild:
Guildguy: "So..um.. what do you want to do?.."
Someguy: "I don't know.. What do you want to do?"

78. Flirt, sex, sire, sex.. aww what the hell! Sex again!

79. It is possible to take a headfirst swan dive off Crystal Waterfalls, not make a splash on impact, and live to try again!

80. The water in any sort of public Waterfall or Stream area is very unsanitary. Naked people with STD's, wounded people bathing in it, people poisoning, urinating, vomiting and just littering in it every day make for one noxious mess. Notice there aren't any fish?

81. Elves...

82. Hospitals...but no doctors. Pretending to be one is fun if you're bored, though.

83. Pregnancies are very easy for any race, and the children are born within 2-3 days after conception.

84. Natural childbirth is painless.

85. They grow up so darn fast...

86. Oh sure, you can sleep around with all those hundreds of girls, just don't tell the wife, even though she does it too.

87. "French Kisses" are so out. Kissing deeply seems to work for everyone.

88. Tender: Hello Man and welcome to my tavern. How can I help you?
Man: ::walks in::
Tenders are perceptive folk when they are not ignoring you.

89. Politeness is optional.

90. Everyone uses the same House, Garden, Bedroom, Beach, and Field, so be careful if you want privacy.

91. There are actual half demon-half angels in FFRP. Talk about spiritual contradiction, do not ask these for spiritual guidance either. In fact, the Angels aren't much help either. They just float around and look good.

92. Day 1: Meet in a tavern. Day 2: Engaged. Day 3: Married. Day 4: Seven kids. Day 5: Bored Day 6: What's her name?

93. Death is a strange concept indeed, as previously mentioned, but when it DOES happen, then you have to worry about the necrophi---I mean, necromancers. Talk about your feelings, then ponder the injustice of it all.

94. Home sweet home?

95. Numerical names are a pain.

96. You don't have to be royalty to be called M'Lord or M'lady, or a knight to be called Sir or Dame.

97: No strippers are allowed in strip clubs; they are usually closed.

98. If there is an open strip club ... STILL no strippers

99. When there's a wedding, at least one important person has got to be late. Vows and rings are standard, even for happy undead or Demonic folks in love. How sweet. Their children even have speech impediments.

100. You will find getting from one place to the other very easy. A short step from a waterfall to a tavern to someone's home to a cave to a cliff... Free Form Role Play settings are not large places at all..and all the forests are littered with clearings. Pollution. Recycle! I am pro-cannibalism.


101. Any Free Form Role Play setting seems to be experiencing a mass immigration flood 24 hours a day. The method of transportation: Teleporting or some mystical happening. Even flying is becoming passe.

102. Looks can kill ... literally.

103. Despite its lamer wars, FFRPdom does have a balance about it. I mean, where else on earth can you walk into an inn or tavern and see sailor moon having tea with Vegeta, or Magic Knights discussing weaponry with an elf?

104. All anime style chars are the product of a mad scientists..for heaven sakes! Anyhow notice how many sailor whatevers run around at one time.. My, my my. Cloning is a success after all!

105: Vampires: You must be affiliated with either Brujahs, Toreadors, or Nosferatu these days..usually second or third generation more elite, perhaps a tenth generation -- otherwise you are just a sexy mofo in black leather with pointy teeth and a jugular vein fetish.

106. Everybody has a pet..even pets have pets! The complete a wardrobe, show off an image, and kill really well! Available at all fine FFRP shops!

107. Pet of choice is usually something winged or furry and four legged ... though I have seen a few winged wolves...genetics is at it again!

108. The word of the hour is...insanity

109. The futuristic chars feel a need to get back to those Ren/Medieval roots. They even prefer a good sword...laser equipped of course.

110. Even elves have tipped back the hands of time and are able to live extraordinarily longer life spans, past the traditional 1200 - 2200 years, even without divine help!

111. All elves are either red, black, silver, blue, or green haired these days, with either blue, silver, or some other eccentric eye color. After all, it is just more fun that way!

112. Most FFRP places have no specific organized monarchy: So calling all applicants, if you are a prince/princess or the like from a far off land, stake your claim now!

113. No body ever looks, they do the following: glance, observe, study, examine -- and do it with the following flare: calmly, nonchalantly, candidly, angrily, intently, or intensely. Of course, this is when they know how to SPELL these things, which is rare in and of itself.

114. Methods of death: when using magic, anime style beams and explosions is simply the way to go!

115. Anthropomorphics have definitely seen a comeback over recent years, and in some interesting mixes too.

116. And, sickeningly enough, many vampire/angel/demon/ubersexy beast GODS or GODDESSES are using those anthros as - you guessed it - marital aids! Yes, that's right, honey, let's bring the dog in so that we can have some real fun.

117. Women: Nowadays, to add to the sickening lack of flaws, most women have figures that would make Barbie look more proportional.

118. Men: What is up with the rock hard, ice cold looks? C'mon...even FFRPdom has therapy circles and 12 step programs!

119. Jedis seem to use FFRP places as exotic ports of call.

120. Siths run prominent organizations.

121. Where are all the Ewoks and Chewie!?

123. Princess Leia is really a tavern maid in disguise.



New from StarChat:


124. It is fashionable to replace "i"s with "y"s. Bloodwyne, vampyre, etc.

125. With so many bastards walking around trying to find or avenge their parents, it's amazing anyone ever finds 'true love.'

126. No matter what unknown and deserted forest your character happens to be walking through, even if it's the dead of night, within 2 minutes there are at least 3 other people who've said hello and 10 others hiding and watching from the shadows or bushes.

127. Never trust the ones who say hello. The ones in the shadows are always the good guys.

128. You have to love those people with voice problems. You know, the ones who TaLK lIkE tHiS.

129. All vampires are kind, tortured souls angst-ridden over their need for fresh blood and desperately trying to make up for sins of the past.

130. A good portion of those will be creatively named "Angel."

131. Most animals are actually fake-animals that can be turned back to humanoid form if a humanoid of the opposite gender happens to fall in love with them.

132. Tenders are an endangered species.

133. Rarely will anyone notice anything happening in an inn besides their own conversation. Violent deaths are especially unlikely to draw anyone's attention.

134. When a character leaves a tavern, they must hover around the entrance for five minutes to see who they've lured into joining them.

135. No matter how small the room is, half the people will be in the rafters.

136. Don't worry, the rafters are completely safe from your pissed off girlfriend.

137. Until your best friend inevitably pushes you down.

138. Pedophilia isn't really pediophilia if no one remembers your character is ten.

139. Remember that dragons are all civilized and friendly

140. Likewise, every dragon can fit in a tavern comfortably, without knocking anyone over

141. No matter how quietly you say something, someone will always hear you, and, if it involves harming a person or persons, will instantly try to stop "u."

142. Never get drunk unless it conveys your mood. This is a standard through most role-play settings.

143. People love to impose self-given titles. Such as Sheriff, Town-deputy, or otherwise.

144. There's always a Dark Mage Lord of the Uber-badness plotting world domination. It never actually begins. Or everyone in the channel goes against them.

145. There are rarely normal villains They're all supernatural and able to bend chairs with their feet, and or any other appendages.

146. Villains come in two flavors. 1) Dark Brooder-killer of the supernatural demon-bugger variations. 2) Mix of every evil race into one being, mysterious and enigmatic and bent on killing all. -- Note: None of them are selfish landowners, or any mundane selfish 'evil' -- those are NPC characters.

147. Everyone tips with 'emeralds size of me fists' or something equally expensive. No one actually uses copper coins. It's a rare and precious metal.

148. Women's breasts usually weigh more than they do. Or they can act as flotation devices. A plastic-surgeon isn't needed, or wanted. There is magic for any ailment or alteration, usually instantaneously.

149. Scars are decorations for some, and have no meaning. For Men, it usually is from fighting. None of it actually impairs their ability to fight. For Women, it's on the body somewhere, but never mars beauty. Rarely, if it does mar beauty, does it change their attitudes.

150. Love triangles are more like love polygons.

151. There usually is more roleplaying going on in Out of Character Channel than the actual RP channel itself.

152. Incest isn't really incest if you put some chlorine in the gene pool.

153. If your character is part of some celestial bureaucracy that no one has ever seen, or is imparted with a special quest item that can save the world from total destruction and it's in his keeping and he's a total moron, you could be an incompetent RPer.

154. If your character has Death, Doom, Slayer, Bringer, Dealer, or Destroyer, in their nickname under any combination thereof, you could be an incompetent RPer.

155. If you have the urge to turn vampires into lawnchairs to use for outdoor cookouts, and have the power of cheese to do it, you could be an incompetent RPer.

156. If your character has the ability to come from the shadows of a corner which is lit up like a Christmas tree by a wall sconce/bar light and is still unseen as he walks in front of someone who's looking right at him, you could be an incompetent RPer.

157. If your character description is followed by Cha, App, Comeliness and has a Rating of 6+ and your character description is but a single line, you could be an incompetent RPer.

158. If your character's appearance into the place of play is from a vortex of the nether/void/plane of infinite munchkins, you could be an incompetent RPer.

159. If your character opens his mouth and insults someone and then they fight and he suddenly just vanishes from the realm because you have no clue of how to fight, you could be an incompetent RPer.

160. If your character has the powers of Sephiroth, Goku, or any of the Dragonball Z characters and can destroy planets or even galaxies with a flatulation from his mighty munchkin buttocks, you could be an incompetent RPer.

161. If your character confuses Crossbow bolts with lightening bolts and puts up a magick shield to protect themselves then snatch-hurls it back at the person tossing it with the accuracy of a Zen monk, and has never heard or trained with Zen Monks, you could be an incompetent RPer.

162. If your character is a Dragon that polymorphs into human form to hit on women and then take them back to hunch them over like sheep near a cliff, you could be an incompetent RPer.

163. If your character has some sort of supernatural Seduction power, like a Cat's Purring Gift, or some sort of mental domination and that is the only way he/she seduces, you could be an incompetent RPer.

164. If your character as the skill Carousing, Seduction, Sex Appeal, Enticement, Allure, Charm, Persuasion of 4+, and it's tacked onto the end of your description, and you couldn't con yourself out of a wet paper sack in character, you could be an incompetent RPer.

165. If your character can instantly cast any spell from any book of magic from any video game / role playing game / novel series with no penalties and only a click of the fingers or a smirk, as well as use a sword and wear diamond plate mail and a big long cape and still somehow show their handsome face everywhere...you might be an incompetent RPer.

166. If your character's actions always consist of the same lines ( * Monwolfhawktwit walks to the bar * Monwolfhawktwit drinks * Monwolfhawktwit looks around * Monwolfhawktwit looks around and drinks ) you could be an incompetent RPer.

167. If your character is of a ridiculously high rank in a celestial or infernal hierarchy (For example, someone being the seventh or eighth commander of Hellfire), yet you have no idea of how to put together a mythology, and you can't explain as to why you have him/her in a tavern, bar, pub, inn, or any other place in the world of free form role playing and yet you STILL expect people to "Respect his/her authoritah," you could be an incompetent RPer.

168. If your character can open up a rift in space-time with a click of his/her heels and a wiggle of his/her nose, you may be an incompetent RPer.

169. If your character performs the above action to summon VOID, grab your computer and chuck it out the window, you moronic @#*$!!!!

Special Thanks To:
The people of the Fort, for all of the ideas
Mia, for the MST3K'ing of the channels where most of these apply

If you have any to add, please contact Steph at minuetofdeath (at) aol (dot) com.

Part of The Second-Star Gate, a division of Shadowed Asylums.